|
| the usual ordeals feel like home to me.
they are stable... comfortable, i suppose.
but sometimes,
a little
change
is nice.
| | |
| fuck this and fuck you.
i really need a hug from you or something; you always know just how to cheer me up.
i love you, dear. thanks for everything. you really are one of the best people i know.
i would love to hate right now, but i can't, and i don't understand why.
------
i wish you'd just give me an explanation. i don't understand you at all. i don't know what you think or anything. you confuse me so much; i never know what to expect from you, and while i hate that, this trait you possess also strikes my curiosity... i wish i knew why. i wish i understood it all sometimes, and i wish i knew where you were coming from. to be honest, i think a lot of this is all just a mask you wear... i don't know, i could very well be wrong about you.
one opportunity to meet and discuss some things is all i am seeking right now, and after that, i would be content... quite possibly to the point where i wouldn't ever feel a want or need to speak to you again, to be honest.
------
in other news, i had a very nice evening with laura, kris, and nathan.
saw chris at Corner... very unexpected, but lovely all the same.
laura, kris, nathan and i got glowsticks then watched Red Eye, then we took kris to meet cody and this guy named reese at sonic.
then we blew up condoms.
fabulous.
oh, and i almost forgot... we listened to that random trance song about cocaine... a lot. brought back memories of New Year's.
------
baby, i'm a lost cause.
------
[edit: saturday night:
tonight was fun. hung out with callie, alex, preston, and larry at books-a-million and such. rode around town.
we saw carrie in books-a-million. that was pretty cool. it's been ages since i've seen her.
we also saw victor in books-a-million. a very random, yet pleasant surprise. i haven't seen him since 2005.
callie.
larry.
preston.
alex.
myself.
it was a lovely evening with shitty coffee.]
------
GOOD-BYE. | | |
| tonight, i spent roughly twenty dollars on shots of espresso and other coffee drinks for myself, laura, and nathan.
i had about nine shots of espresso.
nathan [aka: flash.] beat me... he had about ten shots.
i can't close my eyes very well, and it's uncomfortable to stay seated for any length of time. i feel like running for miles without stopping!
today started off bad, got better, then got bad again after two o'clock, and ended fabulously.
basically, i love my nathan. and my laura. and my paul. you three improved my day by 200%.
pictures from today: [that i stole from laura.]
doubleshots of espresso! bottoms up!
nathan and i split a doubleshot...
we even raced to see who could drink a doubleshot faster with a stirring straw. we tied!
more pictures at laura's xanga.
and then there's my usual camera whoring...
i am unusually hyper, just for your information.
about the last picture... just don't even ask...
have you noticed that in a lot of my pictures, i tilt my head a certain way so that my hair looks longer on one side? i just realized that...
...my hair is of equal length on both sides of my head, though.
[edit: i am begging my mom to let me go to fort worth soon to see some of my friends and go to see a TCU tennis match... and possibly eat at Joe T. Garcia's... anyone that can give me a ride there one day will have my love forever.
it's been forever and a day since i've seen those two boys... craig and seth... or anyone else there for that matter, and frankly, i miss them a lot.] | | |
| i hope i didn't do something stupid today.
...i probably did.
pardon me for the tense shaking and heavy, hurried breathing.
and i am sorry to you for hitting you with a ball in tennis, brittany and caleb. i swear it was the nerves.
i really should stop photographing myself.
this is day TWO.
might not be much, but it's at least a start.
i am in one of those really really random moods.
i am in love with the evening! i am in love with the past!
what if i told you i was in love with this?
i like smiling.
well, i'm off to write more "communist documents."
take care, dears.
[edit: yes, what i did earlier was a huge mistake. it's ok, though. luther offered to get a sniper to take out everything that makes me sad and make it look like an accident. while the offer had good intentions, i didn't take him up on it. ha.
but basically... i feel horrible.] | | |
| NO MORE!
today marks a day of change.
i am tired of all of this when it isn't helping my problems at all.
it is pointless.
today, i left school at about 2:30 and went to get job applications.
so, yea. i am getting a job.
patty told me last week, i believe, that her work was hiring for $7 to clean dishes, but for certain reasons, i don't think i want to work there.
so ends this dream!
not that dream... another one...
you would be so surprised if you knew what i was talking about!
my money is better spent buying caramel lattes... not other things!
no more trips for a while... the car has broken down!
i don't know. have a nice day everyone.
everything is going to improve dramatically... i can feel it!
| | |
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